Latest Letters-

Here are the latest letters to Drunk Uncle J

Niece NorthernLights

1/8/2019

Dear Uncle J,

I got caught with pot brownies and got grounded for two weeks. Wasn't there something you were saying about persecuting pot smokers?

Signed,

Niece NorthernLights

Dear NorthernLights-

Were you stoned when I said that at Thanksgiving or something? Wait.  Don't answer that; I know your parents are probably sober jealous reading this looking for evidence that I'm a bad influence.  News flash- you don't have to jealous read to find that pot of gold- drainbows.

But yeah, I was saying that pot smokers get a bad rap and that people who don't get it are the idiots that thought responsibility was something you wanted to get more of.  Suckers.  You on the otherhand?  You're not a smoker. You're an edible softie.  When you're ready to hang with the drunk uncles of the world, come smoke a joint with us.

Warning: we will ask you to twist one up so you'd better have that figured out before you get here.

Don't forget to do your homework, and that remember no dude's donger is your friend. Because friends don't screw you.

-Uncle J

Nephew Numbnuts

1/7/2019

Dear Uncle J,

Please help. I got my girlfriend pregnant. We are in love. We plan to build a life together in our hometown but wonder how we will make it work. What should we do?

Signed,

Nephew Numbnuts

Hey Numbnuts-

What was rule number one? That's right, don't knock up a townie.

Do you remember rule number two? If you do break rule number one, join the military and get out of dodge. Worst that happens is she decides to follow you and you all end up military swingers by age 27. Then she'll divorce you. The end.

Was there a serious question here or did you just forget the rules?

Now go piss off. 

-Uncle J

Nephew Nailed It

1/5/2019

So uh Uncle J,

I got drunk and crashed this girls car that let me drive her home from the club. She wouldn't put out so I slept with her roommate. But I don't remember how to get home from here and I woke up with my head shaved. What should I do? 

--Nephew Nailed It

Nailed it,

you drink a beer or two-enty to celebrate.  was this a trick question?  You know the routine, trick questions are served with sandwiches.

now get me a beer.

-Uncle J